the baby demands to be stood up

an interview with a dad acrobat

I’ll be in the kitchen and Japhs will come in and put his arms out, his gaze fixated on my knees. I’ll take his hands and he’ll walk up my shins then hang upside down like a red foosball man, blood rushing to his head.

After a bit I’ll say, okay okay that’s enough, and he will flip the rest of the way over, landing like a seagull flapping over hot chips. Then he’ll turn back into a boy and wander off somewhere else. That will be all he wanted.

Being in a small body is very different than being in a big body. Early on, you can fit onto an adult's forearm; their hand alone can activate half the distal nerves in your body, lighting up your sensory system like an infinity gauntlet. Kids’ bodies are mysteries. My friend's kid E is four and can fold herself in half like a newspaper. Maybe the strangest role that parents perform is teaching the child how to understand their physical self, especially in those foggy years before they land in their bodies. I did the sing-songy “I’m going to change your nappy now!” with the kids, although there is no true consent for a baby, and throughout childhood it’s almost scary how many times you might need to overrule their autonomy for shots, dental work, surgery, and on. It all needs to be learned: the walking, the shitting in a potty, the dancing, the trust. Which brings me to acrobaby arts.

I follow several circus Insta accounts where families perform tricks like hand balances, spins, flagging, drops, and catch-and-releases. These can be vigorous exercises, and watching them I have sometimes thought I didn’t know we could do that with babies. You shouldn’t if you don’t know what you’re doing, but if you do, there is something quite lovely about that collaboration. What does it mean for a parent to be the scaffolding for your kid’s play? To understand the determination of the baby brain that wants to be upside-down? To remember the weight and will of your baby stood vertically in your palm years later when they’re huge?

These are things I wanted to find out, so I asked Daniel Catlow, a spectacular acrobat and someone who happens to be my brother-in-law, raising the coolness bar fairly substantially for the other aunts and uncles who don’t know how to shimmy up a light pole or pull a double-back somersault off a see-saw. (Don’t worry, he also does aerobatic work as a skydiver!)

Dan spent his childhood in Australia’s Flying Fruit Fly Circus, and performed around the world as an adult with companies and shows like Club Swizzle (with Murray Hill!!), La Soiree, Cantina, and Tom Tom. He has also taught kids, and has the kind of generous vibe I recognize when I go to circus shows, where the performers are really sharing their bodies and physical limits with the crowd. He’s an incredible dad, and one of my little joys is waking up to a video from Australia of my nephew doing tricks (lot of giggles). I loved this interview! Enjoy.

ole lock legs

KAFKA’S: What is your earliest memory of doing something physical?

Daniel Catlow: I think getting pushed around on a bike with training wheels by my dad on this dirt cul-de-sac above our house. Probably getting frustrated that I couldn’t do it by myself.

What age did you go to circus school and how did that change the way you understood yourself/your self-esteem?

I started the intake program at age 8 but joined the full-time training program (part of school curriculum) at age 9 and I think even by then it was pretty obvious to me—and definitely my teachers—that I wasn’t the most academic person. So circus gave me, and lots of other kids like me, an outlet for energy, a way to develop physical abilities and confidence.

There always seemed to be a skill that was suited to any body type or any funny little quirky characteristic that kids can have, and this was a place that nurtured those things. I feel very lucky to have been a part of Fruities (Flying Fruit Fly circus school) in particular, because even to this day it’s one of the top places in the world to develop circus and performing arts skills, so that gave all of us a clear alternative option to school, and something that we could turn into a proper career.

In circus, it’s common for families to teach kids young. What are really young tots capable of doing and enjoying?

Probably a lot more than their parents’ nerves would allow them to. I think when we are really really young we haven’t quite developed as much fear as we do when we’re adults, so for physical things that really helps to push kids a little outside their comfort zone, but even more so I think it is about having good mentors who are knowledgeable and skilled in teaching and forming a trusting relationship with kids so they feel safe pushing these boundaries. But ultimately it’s about helping them find skills that they are genuinely interested in, whether it’s circus, dance, singing, surfing, or being funny, and nurturing that idea, then they actually enjoy what they are doing and that’s when you see what they are really capable of. 

The focus is often on “when will bubs walk?” but you did balances with your baby well before walking! What acrobatic tricks and approaches did you use?

I’m mostly doing balance stuff with him at the moment because he’s still a little bit small for the tumbling skills (not quite 2 yet). So simple acro yoga skills with me lying down, balancing while sitting in my hands, sitting on my feet then standing in hands down low (with my elbows on the floor), then pushing up to high (my arms straight). I’m just trying to get him comfortable with having some small falls so he figures out how to land safely by himself or knows that I’m there to catch him if I need to. I guess it’s just juggling the fear versus fun, really, so that he doesn’t get too scared that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. 

What are some of the skills babies have that we might miss (for example, they do have that straight-leg type reflex!)

The ole lock legs is definitely a good one so take advantage of that for balancing because it doesn’t last long, also little baby rubber joints, they’re so flexible, it only stays this way if you keep the stretching up from a young age, definitely encourage that but also don’t pull their legs off or anything.

As a dad, was it nice to have your own way of being with your kid from the start, having a bit of acro-practice together? 

It’s definitely something that I love because it’s our special little thing that we can do together where I feel like I have something to give and it helps him with a whole bunch of things like confidence, balance, agility, fear, and he’s laughing most of the time so that’s good for both of us.

fave routine

Did acrobatics fundamentals (holds, grips, other!) help in that early squishy baby phase when I personally did not know how to handle my baby at ALL?

I think so yeah, I never felt awkward or scared I wasn’t going to support or hold him in the right way because I had a good understanding of how bodies work already, and had taught very young toddlers to do rolls and flips and cartwheels before. 

Now your kid is a tiny bit older and clearly enjoys acro work, what are his favorite things to do? Does he ask to do tricks/ how does he ask?

More more more!! He loves our little standing-in-hands routine.

I always seem to find him randomly doing downward dog which is entertaining. He also is starting to like assisted forward rolls (on the soft couch cushion). He definitely gets an A for effort with the jumping but ahhh definitely needs a bit of work (Editor’s note: he has the arms down, but is still working on getting his feet off the ground).

the boring brother-in-law

Goodies

🐛 skip to 28:00 in the Hamish & Andy pod for the bit about Hame’s kids enjoying ‘90s EDM and the tie-in to the Kiama blowhole

🐛 all marriages are throuples (you and me and the state) by Elisa Gonzales

🐛 great new dive on marriage + no-sex from

Amanda Montei

that avoids the “conventional wisdom” that usually pollutes this space

🐛 just good listens

🐛 hoooooo can confirm you need yourself a copy of All Fours by Miranda July (out May 14 from Riverhead CHAT THEN, OKAY?)

🐛 I forgot to plug this silly piece me and my friend Sara wrote for New Yorker Shouts—I thought maybe the media fixation on polyamory was done, but then this came out